Anger gives us a sense of power, control, and predictability. If I get angry I control what happens or doesn’t happen. It also gives us the loudest voice when we feel unheard, ignored, or threatened. When I’m angry I cannot feel anything else.

We learn how to use anger from our family, our relationships, and how we are expected to be in the world. It’s usually because we do not know how to express ourselves in a different way, or view any other response as weak.

We can use anger to cover up:

• Disappointment
• Loneliness
• Sadness
• Shame
• Guilt

Anger doesn’t disappear by us wanting to stop being angry. We have to make different choices. This is hard when our brains are hijacked by an overriding emotion.

Changing the way we express our anger could change our lives. You might get your point across when people don’t feel scared of you.