This article is not about deep breathing and mindfulness. It’s about looking at our anger for context and understanding.
Changing our expression of anger is possible. Small steps are easier than giant leaps. Commit to changing and keep going. You might need a pen and paper and a bit of time.
Some questions to consider when starting to change:
Do I know why I am so angry?
It might be that specific situations, interactions, or individuals make your blood boil. Ask yourself, what it is that gets to me?
- Is it a value transgression?
- A sense of injustice?
- Feeling like a loser or weak?
- Needing to assert authority?
- Feeling scared and wanting some control?
- Is it something about myself I hate?
- Or, I don’t have the words and courage to express myself fully?
How do I express my anger?
- Do you express your anger inwards, outwards, indirect & passive-aggressively?
- It might tell you more about what’s underneath your anger.
How is the way I express my anger impacting my life?
How is your expression of anger impacting yourself, the people around you, and your opportunities?
What would be the ideal way of expressing anger in a helpful way?
Make a list of possible alternatives that you would like try or work towards. Break them down in smaller steps and look for opportunities to practice this before you are angry. Rehearsal and practice helps.
What else needs to change?
- Do I need to look at my beliefs and way of interpreting situations?
- Do I need to adjust my perspective?
- Do I need to build communication skills?
- Do I need to change my relationship with myself, others, and the situations I am in?
Changing the way we express anger is challenging. Yes, we need deep breathing and cold showers, we also need to know where our anger comes from and address it at the core.
